Half-Baked Solutions

So, I hit upon an idea. I'm not sure where I got the idea from or what I was doing at the time, but rest assured - I didn't bump my head on anything. I don't think I did, anyway.

The premise is this: There are a lot of serious problems in the world. Hunger. Violence. Primary candidates who don't know when they've lost. My idea is to offer up solutions, no matter how much time I've spent thinking about all the angles. In fact, the less I think about the consequences of my "solutions," the better the results... I hope.

So here goes: Serious Problems. Half-Baked Solutions.

Problem 1: World Hunger
We've got a world that's running out of food. There are countries that have had/are having food riots. Possibly from bad government controls, but other factors could contribute.
Solution: Stop making "biofuels" out of corn. Americans should stop consuming so much, and I mean that in all ways possible (we eat too much, we drive too much, etc.) Build a computer to solve the problem for us, then use it to play video games while it searches for a solution. Suggestion for the video game: Solitare.

Problem 2: U.S. Immigration policy
Illegal immigrants come to the U.S., most notably from Mexico. What can be done about this situation?
Solution: All immigrants currently here should get work permits. They should pay no taxes, but get no benefits either. No healthcare, social security, etc. Something reasonable should be done to keep more illegal immigrants from coming here illegally. Finally, I want a Lamborghini. Nothing to do with immigration policy... but seriously... would me getting a Lamborghini be any less effective than whatever we're doing now?

Problem 3: World Oil
Prices out of control. Supply concerns. Political unrest. What will happen to us if/when we run out of oil?
Solution: #1: America should cut it's oil consumption by like 75%. At least. China, the next largest oil consumer, uses approximately 1/3rd the amount of oil America does. And they've got 3-4 times the amount of people. America should switch to bikes as much as possible. We should also get the heck out of Iraq and use that money to invest in alternative energy. Also, I'll use my Lamborghini from Solution 2 to drive around and promote oil use reduction. I'd probably do this about 8 hours a day, just to show my support for saving oil.

Problem 4: Cubs haven't won a World Series in 100 years
This year, if the Cubs don't win the World Series, it will mark the 100th year since their last World Series win. Cubs fans everywhere will cry out in a big "Next Year!" cheer. Again.
Solution: Pay off teams to lose to the Cubs. You'll have to pay off a lot of teams, but let's do it. That way, Cubs fans can finally celebrate a real victory, like the Sox fans had 3 years ago.

Do you have any serious problems that need my brand of solutions? Please let me know!